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It Should Have Been Me by YellowfangOfStarclan It Should Have Been Me by YellowfangOfStarclan
Fading Echoes Page 141:
Longtail stood in her way. "Leave the mouse! We can catch another."

"I'm not wasting prey!" Mousefur growled. "It's an insult to StarClan!"

"Then I'll get it!"

Before Lionblaze could stop him, Longtail had darted back through the thorn barrier.

Briarpaw raced after him, a blur of dark brown fur. "Come back! It's not safe!"

Lionblaze slowed to a halt and spun around. He pelted after Longtail and Briarpaw. "The tree's going to fall! he shrieked, tearing through the thorns in time to see Longtail and Briarpaw disappear into the elders' den. "Get out!"

His yowl was smoothed by a great creaking roar from the top of the hollow. With a deafening crack, the beech toppled over the rim and hurtled down the cliff. Its branches scraped the rocky walls like claws, showering thorn-sharp stones over the camp.

Page 148:
"We've cleared the last two branches," the tabby warrior began. His voice trailed away when he saw the body. "Longtail." The name caught in his throat.

With a strange choking feeling in his throat, Lionblaze lifted the pale tabby elder by the scruff and dragged him from what was left of the den. The old cat was light as a squirrel in his jaws as Lionblaze pulled him through the tunnel and laid him on the bare ground.

Page 151:
"Longtail?" called a trembling voice. It was Whitewing.

Lionblaze turned and saw the Clan creeping back into the hollow. They padded slowly, edging what was left of the clearing, and sniffing at the remains of their devastated camp. Blossompaw and Bumblepaw broke away and raced to Graystripe and Millie, pressing hard against them.

Mousefur darted from Whitewing's side and began to circle Longtail's body. "No, no, no, no, no," she meowed.

Purdy shuffled close to the old she-cat as she dropped to her belly and pressed her nose into her denmate's chilly pelt.

Page 162:
Jayfeather wanted to check on the elder himself before he left. He slid into the apprentice's den, where Purdy and Mousefur were crouched in thickly padded nests.

"It was my fault," Mousefur was muttering. "All my fault."

Purdy forced a loud purr. "I bet he's walking with StarClan now," he mewed. "Hunting in lush forest, warm and happy."

"How will he manage without me to guide him?" Mousefur fretted.

"I wish I'd known him longer," Purdy pressed on. "I heard he made the Great Journey while he was blind."

"He never seemed to get tired." Memory distracted the old she-cat for a moment. "Always first up and ready to move on. Never afraid of what lay ahead."

"What was he like before he lost his sight?" Purdy prompted.

"Eyes like a hawk," Mousefur remembered. "Could spot prey under a rock a tree-length away."

Jayfeather felt Purdy's gaze flit over his pelt. For the first time, Jayfeather thanked StarClan for the garrulous old loner.

"Tell me about his best catch," Purdy urged Mousefur. "Ihear he once caught an eagle."

"Well, it wasn't exactly an eagle, though he did fight off an owl when it tried to snatch a kit."

Relieved, Jayfeather backed our of the den.
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I just read this last night. I felt so bad for Mousefur, she had to carry the burden of knowing that she got her best friend killed and paralyzed Briarlight. I cried so bad! XD Longtail, may you hunt well in StarClan.
Ignore that little opening in the right corner >.> I kinda screwed it up and when I tried fixing it, it got worse ^^; I so fail with rocks, rain, and that black squiggly thing (it's supposed to be a tree :iconlll-plz: I FAIL) Sorry if I just spoiled this for you . . .
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If you critique this, don't say anything about the opening with mah squiggly tree 'cause I already know that it sucks. Just critique inside the cave/den/thing?.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconashtailxmoonfrost:
I really love the way Mousefur's muzzle is pointed. It looks like a real cat - not to mention how real the tears look! The only thing I don't like about this deviation is her eyes. I think her pupils should be bigger and rounder, because here it looks as if she's blind other than Longtail. I haven't read to this part in the books yet, but I love Longtail... Maybe you could have put his body at the front of the den? Or maybe his spirit twining around her? Either way, I LOVE how this turned out. :3 Keep up the good work!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconmacwafflesninja:
Macwafflesninja Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
AHHHHHH SCREW THE F-ING TREE!!!!! I LOVE LONGTAIL! The tree must go to the DF.
Reply
:icongingaxh:
gingaxh Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
3 books later she dies and longtail grieves
what a sad irony
Reply
:iconfuzzykitty2012:
Fuzzykitty2012 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
i love longtail
Reply
:icontallstar07:
Tallstar07 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2012
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I fell bad for Mousefur. This is me grieving: Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I miss Longtail! I wish he didn't die, he was tooooo young to join Starclan.
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
IKR! I felt so bad for both of them! It was just a sad scene! :cries:
Reply
:icontallstar07:
Tallstar07 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012
yah, it was so sad!!! :(
Reply
:iconlongtail72:
Longtail72 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
MRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! That was me grieving for the loss of Longtail. Why Mousefur/ why? If she hadn't complained about the half eaten mouse! I always respected her. Until now.
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Same here! I honestly feel bad for her because he was her best friend and she has to live the rest of her life knowing he died because of her. :(
Reply
:iconlongtail72:
Longtail72 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah.:(
Reply
:iconghoststar321:
ghoststar321 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i already read that part like a couple months ago but anyway i cried to XD
Reply
:iconnashi-hime:
Nashi-Hime Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This scene was so sad.... :(
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Student Writer
Longtail shouldn't have died. Everyone knows that. :| Great job. :clap:
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you! ^^
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011  Student Writer
No problem. :D
Reply
:icondewdropmon:
Dewdropmon Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011
I cried at this part, too. Poor Mousefur.
Reply
:iconpinkstar14:
Pinkstar14 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Mousefur outlived Longtail! :dummy:

...wait.

Mousefur outlived Longtail! :iconfuuuplz:
Reply
:iconociwolf121:
Ociwolf121 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Student General Artist
you did better on that tree than any tree I've ever drawn. all of my trees look really odd and crummy. and i LOVE drawing nature scenes, so that only makes my dilemma worse!
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you'll get better ^^ because, obviously, you like to practice drawing them :D don't give up!
Reply
:iconociwolf121:
Ociwolf121 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Student General Artist
thanks. i'm way better at drawing the actual characters than backgrounds. on one of my latest drawings, i drew the characters perfectly but i absolutely SUCKED at the background. one of my friends is gonna help me edit the background on it
Reply
:iconkindalucky:
kindalucky Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
soo sad ><
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconohnoesplz: IKR!
Reply
:iconkindalucky:
kindalucky Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
o.o what book is that from any ways PO3???
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
the second book of the 4th arc: Omen of the Stars, Fading Echos ^^
Reply
:iconkindalucky:
kindalucky Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
ahh XD im still on book 2 of Power Of Three, Dark River
Reply
:iconst0lensanity:
st0lensanity Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
its her fault!!!
Reply
:iconbaconitarian-wolf:
Baconitarian-Wolf Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Student Writer
*sigh* That scene really made me sad. Longtail was awesome. (besides the scene in Into the Woods where he nearly Choked Firestar to death)
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know! he was the best! if only he didn't go blind and not moved into the elder's den, he would have never died! DX
Reply
:icontigerfernxjayfeather:
Mousefur and Longtail would be like the CUTEST couple!
Reply
:iconfuzzykitty2012:
Fuzzykitty2012 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
i know. i always say that too
Reply
:iconicestormtundra:
IcestormTundra Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Student Digital Artist
ok before this is didn't like mousefur at all
now i HATE HER
she killed longtail DXXXX
long and briar are some of my fav cats =(
and that BG is awsome, better than mine by far =)
Reply
:icontiff13246:
tiff13246 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
fist of all, that BG rocks! and i hated this part! i LOVED longtail so much ever since the first series, fist he got embarrassed by being sorts beaten by a kittypet- Rusty/Firepaw/Fireheart/Firestar and then i just got down-right mad when he became blind, than this? i luv the drawing!
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I luved him too! :cries: Thank you! ^^
Reply
:icontiff13246:
tiff13246 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I KOW RIGH! yw
Reply
:iconcartoonfan18:
CartoonFan18 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That was the only time I hated Mousefur. She killed my favorite elder because of a stupid mouse DX

The real only critique I have is more of a spelling error. You have "It's was" You should pick either it's or was for your sentence. Otherwise, I love it! X3
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
^^; Thanks for pointing that out, I changed it. At first I put "It's my fault. All my fault" but that wasn't the line in the book so I changed it but forgot to change "It's" to "It" ^^;
Reply
:iconcartoonfan18:
CartoonFan18 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It looks much nicer now :3 It's such a moving scene, you were able to put it in a picture form so nicely :meow:
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconiloveitmoreplz: Thank you! ^^
Reply
:iconcartoonfan18:
CartoonFan18 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Of course dahling~
Reply
:iconamerikat:
Amerikat Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yes mousefur, it is. xD this scene made me cry, too, though. :(
Reply
:iconhurricaneclaw:
Hurricaneclaw Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Maybe you could add more detail to the cave? (I know it's not easy because I suck at backgrounds) And I hate Mousefur I seriously think she should have died...
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconus-xdplz: I know! My rock skillz suck! At least Longtail is in StarClan ^^
Reply
:iconhurricaneclaw:
Hurricaneclaw Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You should see MY rocks...

And I dont get why everyone is so sad. If I was Mousefur *shudder* I would feel guilty but I would also be happy that he is in Starclan and without starvation and sickness and STUFFS
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
he will eventually turn into one of those cats that StarClan and the other cats forget about and he'll slowly fade away . . . but other than that she should be happy :icontardplz:
Reply
:iconhurricaneclaw:
Hurricaneclaw Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
But say Mousefur goes to Starclan and remembers Longtail and Longtail remembers Mousefur they'll never fade away because they'll always be remembered by each other!
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconimthinkingplz: Touche`
Reply
:iconhurricaneclaw:
Hurricaneclaw Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If only that were true :iconsadnessplz:
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:icony-u-noplz: NUUUUU!
Reply
:iconlionfrostwarrior:
LionfrostWarrior Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this!! That scene made me cry...:cry: I loved Longtail! he was amazing! And poor Mousie lost her spunk because of that stupid tree! And Briarlight got herself paralyzed...It's just awful! CURSE YOU TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconyellowfangofstarclan:
YellowfangOfStarclan Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconswordtardplz::icontreeplz::iconexitplz:
Reply
:iconlionfrostwarrior:
LionfrostWarrior Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Reply
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June 15, 2011
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