It Should Have Been Me

Fading Echoes Page 141:
Longtail stood in her way. "Leave the mouse! We can catch another."

"I'm not wasting prey!" Mousefur growled. "It's an insult to StarClan!"

"Then I'll get it!"

Before Lionblaze could stop him, Longtail had darted back through the thorn barrier.

Briarpaw raced after him, a blur of dark brown fur. "Come back! It's not safe!"

Lionblaze slowed to a halt and spun around. He pelted after Longtail and Briarpaw. "The tree's going to fall! he shrieked, tearing through the thorns in time to see Longtail and Briarpaw disappear into the elders' den. "Get out!"

His yowl was smoothed by a great creaking roar from the top of the hollow. With a deafening crack, the beech toppled over the rim and hurtled down the cliff. Its branches scraped the rocky walls like claws, showering thorn-sharp stones over the camp.

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"We've cleared the last two branches," the tabby warrior began. His voice trailed away when he saw the body. "Longtail." The name caught in his throat.

With a strange choking feeling in his throat, Lionblaze lifted the pale tabby elder by the scruff and dragged him from what was left of the den. The old cat was light as a squirrel in his jaws as Lionblaze pulled him through the tunnel and laid him on the bare ground.

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"Longtail?" called a trembling voice. It was Whitewing.

Lionblaze turned and saw the Clan creeping back into the hollow. They padded slowly, edging what was left of the clearing, and sniffing at the remains of their devastated camp. Blossompaw and Bumblepaw broke away and raced to Graystripe and Millie, pressing hard against them.

Mousefur darted from Whitewing's side and began to circle Longtail's body. "No, no, no, no, no," she meowed.

Purdy shuffled close to the old she-cat as she dropped to her belly and pressed her nose into her denmate's chilly pelt.

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Jayfeather wanted to check on the elder himself before he left. He slid into the apprentice's den, where Purdy and Mousefur were crouched in thickly padded nests.

"It was my fault," Mousefur was muttering. "All my fault."

Purdy forced a loud purr. "I bet he's walking with StarClan now," he mewed. "Hunting in lush forest, warm and happy."

"How will he manage without me to guide him?" Mousefur fretted.

"I wish I'd known him longer," Purdy pressed on. "I heard he made the Great Journey while he was blind."

"He never seemed to get tired." Memory distracted the old she-cat for a moment. "Always first up and ready to move on. Never afraid of what lay ahead."

"What was he like before he lost his sight?" Purdy prompted.

"Eyes like a hawk," Mousefur remembered. "Could spot prey under a rock a tree-length away."

Jayfeather felt Purdy's gaze flit over his pelt. For the first time, Jayfeather thanked StarClan for the garrulous old loner.

"Tell me about his best catch," Purdy urged Mousefur. "Ihear he once caught an eagle."

"Well, it wasn't exactly an eagle, though he did fight off an owl when it tried to snatch a kit."

Relieved, Jayfeather backed our of the den.
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I just read this last night. I felt so bad for Mousefur, she had to carry the burden of knowing that she got her best friend killed and paralyzed Briarlight. I cried so bad! XD Longtail, may you hunt well in StarClan.
Ignore that little opening in the right corner >.> I kinda screwed it up and when I tried fixing it, it got worse I so fail with rocks, rain, and that black squiggly thing (it's supposed to be a tree I FAIL) Sorry if I just spoiled this for you . . .
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If you critique this, don't say anything about the opening with mah squiggly tree 'cause I already know that it sucks. Just critique inside the cave/den/thing?.